Five Limiting Thoughts Reframed Post Divorce
Post divorce: the divorce is final. You have spent countless hours in and out of court and in lawyers’ offices. Most of your time and energy was directed toward the process. You finally have space to think, to reflect, and to feel. It is now that regrets sometimes surface. This is the perfect time to release any lingering limiting thoughts. Let’s examine a few common ones and replace them with fresh perspectives for your new life.
Post divorce Regret #1
I stayed too long. Why did I waste so many years in that relationship?
You were in that relationship exactly as long as you were. Things take as long as they take. You are out now.
Every year post divorce from this point forward is a year where I consciously choose who and what is in my life.
“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” – Maya Angelou
Post divorce Regret #2
I deferred pursuing my personal dreams to prioritize him (or her) and our goals as a couple.
Response: You believed in your relationship and your future together and thought your turn would come. You trusted that and were patient.
Reboot: I’m proud of the contribution and commitment I made to the relationship. I now devote my drive and ambition to realize my dreams post divorce.
It is never too late to be what you might have been. ~ George Eliot
Post divorce Regret #3
I do not have the wealth and assets we had as a couple.
Response: You were a large part of how that wealth and those assets were amassed.
Reboot: Though the money and assets have been divided, my skills and abilities have not. I will use them to generate additional personal wealth.
Abundance is about being rich, with or without money. ~Suze Orman
Post divorce Regret #4
I can no longer afford the standard of living I enjoyed while married.
Response: There were two incomes, two people supporting that lifestyle. You now have one income. This does not mean you will not live well. Think better, not bigger.
Reboot: I have the freedom to take whatever place I choose and make it reflect my interests, who I am. I can unleash my creativity to make the perfect home.
Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you. ~Lao Tzu
Post divorce Regret #5
I’ve lost so many friends.
Response: The marriage is not the only relationship that ends with the divorce. You are now a single person and no longer fit into couples gatherings. Some people will decide they can only continue friendship with one of you and you may not be the one. Your pursuit and creation of your new life may make some people uncomfortable and they may detach. But, the world is full of people seeking friends who are in sync with the new you.
I am going to join some new groups or a new church and open my heart to all. This is my opportunity to create a new tribe. If some people have turned their back on me then it is because they are NOT my people. I seek and embrace my people!
When people can walk away from you, let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. ~ Reverend T. D. Jakes
Taking a firm grip on your thoughts post divorce, replacing unproductive thoughts with ones that move you forward, will give you a jumpstart on creating the life you desire and deserve.
*Simon Dippenaar & Associates, Inc. is a law firm of Cape Town Divorce and Family Attorneys. Now in Gauteng, and Durban. Contact one of our divorce attorneys or family lawyers on +27 (0) 86 099 5146 or email firstname.lastname@example.org.